Taking over the world
by Native
Summary: After two years under and a successful suicide mission, Commander Shepard is fully prepared to come back to Galaxy of Fantasy and her Lvl 580 Dark Elf Battlemaster. Legion's right behind her, of course.
1. Patch Notes

**Title:** Taking over the world  
**Author**: Native  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: K  
**Pairing**: F!Shepard+Legion (friendship), others if you squint enough  
**Warning**: Possible spoilers for ME1+ME2.

* * *

**TAKING OVER THE WORLD**  
**01\. PATCH NOTES**

* * *

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 1 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:00**  
\- Alright, Legion._ Let's do this._ You have the patch notes we talked about? Because I've two years of new content to grind, and I will _not_ do it without being prepared.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 1 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:30**  
\- What do you mean they _nerfed_ the Battlemaster doomsday skill? What the fuck?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 1 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:45**  
\- Okay, _maybe_ , maybe it was a bit overpowered, but damn. Hmpf. So... this new raid we were talking about? I heard the Nightmare mode is really something. Can't wait to kick some ass and climb up the rankings again. Eh.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 1 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:15**  
\- Hmm, hmm. So when the dragon spits his blue flame, we all gather together to share the damage? That's new. And nice, the old mechanics were starting to be repetitive.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 1 after the Omega 4 Relay, 12:00**  
\- Eating is for the weak. Oooh, is that the new PvP zone?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 00:00**  
\- Sleeping is overrated. I really want to play the revamped RvR right now. What alliance is sleeping at this hour again?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 06:00**  
\- Damn, but this quest is well written. Thanks for the tissue. Wait, what are you doing with tissues anyway? No, don't

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 06:01**  
\- ... answer that. You know what? I am going to kill some more boars now.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:00**  
\- "_Shepard. Anderson on the vidcomm._"  
\- Tell him to wait a sec, I'm in the middle of wiping those bastards from Twin Suns out of our guild fortress.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:15**  
"Shepard."  
\- Come _on_! Legion, do you mind keeping an eye on Arashu for a while? If I log off at this hour, I'm sure to find a queue when I come back.

**Normandy, Comm Room, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:50**  
\- Now that you mention it, EDI, I'm famished . And this smell... is that spaghettis? Seriously? Hot damn, I hope the Guild Hall doesn't start to burn while I eat.

**Normandy, Mess Hall, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11h00**  
\- What, Legion and me? Nah, we're totally fine. Had a bit of a scuffle with Twin Suns, but we totally smashed them, thanks to Caius' guild.

**Normandy, Mess Hall, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11h02**  
\- ... and then Caius shielded me _at just the right time_ \- one second later, I'd have been _dead_, Garrus - and, the three of us, we finished Khamul. With the others 21 already down! It was epic, I tell you, _epic_. I really missed the guy.

**Normandy, Mess Hall, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11h04**  
\- Nah, fun thing is? He's C-Sec. Told me he quit the military two years before you did, so probably a bit older than you.

**Normandy, Mess Hall, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11h06**  
\- He's one of the first turian I ever knew. Well, I mean. Games are a formidable tool when it comes to gather people together, aren't they?

**Normandy, Mess Hall, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11h08**  
\- Alright, I'm going to take a shower, work a bit. Later, crew.

**Normandy, Med Bay, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11h20**  
\- Yes, EDI, I'm going to the AI Core. I **am** able to answer a few mails while crafting, you know.

**Normandy, Med Bay, Day 2 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11h25**  
\- Legion, you... went to get me a pillow and some covers?

\- _Perfect_.


	2. Beware The Stealthy Crab

**Title:** Taking over the world  
**Author**: Native  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: K  
**Pairing**: F!Shepard+Legion (friendship), others if you squint enough  
**Warning**: Possible spoilers for ME1+ME2.

* * *

**TAKING OVER THE WORLD**  
**02\. BEWARE THE STEALTHY CRAB  
**

* * *

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:00**  
\- Shepard-Commander, there is an elite crab behind you.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:02**  
\- Your adaptability is fascinating, Shepard-Commander. This decapod crustacean didn't stand a chance.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:30**  
\- We just sent an epic chest piece to your mailbox, Shepard-Commander.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:31**  
\- You... don't want it?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:32**  
\- No data available.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:34**  
\- Your happiness is important for the stability of the crew, Shepard-Commander.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:35**  
\- No data available.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:36**  
\- We retrieved a rare mod from one of my character, Shepard-Commander. It will fits nicely your new chest piece.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:37**  
\- No data available.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:37**  
\- Shepard-Commander? Are you leaving?

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:38**

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:39**

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:40**

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:42**  
\- This is... for us, Shepard-Commander? You sent us one of the three existing copies of the tribute N7 anniversary armor, only obtainable in game by being one of the first three to do 50.000 kills?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 10:43**  
\- No data available.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:00**  
\- Caius-Player has been trying to reach you for the last two minutes, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:48**  
\- It seems that Caius-Player's intelligence was accurate. The Twin Suns have formed an alliance with Crescent Moon. They are heading toward our stronghold on Balmorra as we speak, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:50**  
\- Commander Arashu and I are ready for TP.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:55**  
\- Probability of stealth classes waiting for us at or near the rendez-vous point is high. Presence of a mole within Providence guild confirmed.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:56**  
\- Caius-Player doesn't seem to be happy with your plan.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:56**  
-_ Yes, Shepard-Commander, we think that it has something to do with the fact that you die. _

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:57**  
\- Caius-Player does seem to feelsome sort of satisfaction from you _not_ dying, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:58**  
\- No data available.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 11:59**  
\- Ready when you are, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 12:33**  
\- Consensus reached. This battle probably qualifies as one of the most interesting we ever fought, Shepard-Commander. Thank you.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 12:40**  
\- We took the liberty of getting you something to eat. We cannot imagine why the others members of the crew don't understand how important it is to stand guard right after an offensive this great, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:00**  
\- It would be efficient. The Justicar Order probably isn't salvageable, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:02**  
\- We are sorry. We understand that you still are very attached to this guild. It hasn't been that long for you, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:10**  
_\- Commander Arashu and we, John Smith, will gladly enter Providence._

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:15**  
\- Their guild ship is of mixed turian and human design, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:18**  
\- According to a rumor we just heard, the Twin Suns are being attacked by several guilds of average importance. It seems that these last two defeats severaly undermined them.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:25**  
_\- Commander Arashu and I are ready for TP._

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:28**  
\- If we may, we'd like to be in the strike team with you, Shepard-Commander.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:29**  
\- No data available.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:34**  
\- Your playstyle really does compliment that of Caius-Player.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:35**  
\- We must warn you about Caius-Player -

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:37**  
\- We simply meant to say that it could be problematic in regards to Vakarian-Officer, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 13:38**  
\- We clearly misunderstood. Isn't that Risha, one of the Twin Sun leader, fleeing our on three?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 14:40**  
\- Providence members do seem to... like you, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 14:41**  
\- We do not have your qualities, Shepard-Commander.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 3 after the Omega 4 Relay, 14:50**  
\- There are energy bars under that crate, Shepard-Commander. And water bottles.


	3. Veni, Vidi, Vixi

**Title:** Taking over the world  
**Author**: Native  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: K  
**Pairing**: F!Shepard+Legion (friendship), others if you squint enough  
**Warning**: Possible spoilers for ME1+ME2.

* * *

**TAKING OVER THE WORLD**  
**03\. VENI, VIDI, VIXI  
**

* * *

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 08:00**  
\- Caius? Shouldn't you be working? Wait, don't tell me — you took a vacation for the expansion, yeah?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 08:15**  
\- Sorry for that, by the way. It's strange playing on another keyboard after all this time. Two years out of the loop, and still nothing beats a G-444.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 08:30**  
\- Hey, did you see the forums? Crescent Moon just stabbed Twin Suns in the back! You remember Risha? She was Underworld before, the Drayen theft? Yeah, her. Apparently, the purpose of the "alliance" was to recover some intelligence on TS assets and sovereignties.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 08:45**  
\- Moar drama. _Rrrrr_.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:00**  
\- And here comes John. What? Yeah, we play side by side most of the time.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:01**  
\- _No_. Really. I assure you. Just _no_. Think family.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:04**  
\- Still have a lot of stuff to do, can't say when I'll be in Citadel space at the moment. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's not that I don't want to go and see you guys, but… you know how it is in the army.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:10**  
\- Actually, I think that's long overdue. Since when do we play together? Six years is a long time. Well, four if we count the gap in the middle, but still.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:11**  
\- Not that I don't like the conversation, but John just got banged by a Preying Mantis warband. They probably think us weakened, between our recent fights and the Justicar disband.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:12**  
\- Isn't it a little early for that? Not that I'm complaining, I'm always ready to kick some ass, but, you know. It's been a long time.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:15**  
\- Alright then. Tell the guys to head to the Balmorra rendez-vous point, we'll join them there. I'm going to change my specs, did a bit of PvE before you showed up this morning.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:17**  
\- Yeah, that Battlemaster skill was so _nice_! Damn.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:20**  
\- Hey guys, miss me? Let's bang some gang! Or gang some bang? I never remember.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:21**  
\- I have the feeling that the "_Your humor didn't change_" comment wasn't a compliment. You're always so mean to me, Caius. You wound me.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:22**  
\- _Ready for TP_. John, how's the situation over there?

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:24**  
\- A strategy? I have a good one in mind. We go, we see, they weep.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:25**  
\- Don't even try bullshiting me. You totally missed that.

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:30**  
\- Have I already said how much I like this shield skill, Caius? Doesn't matter, I'm going to say it again and again, y'know.

** Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:32**  
\- They're using the wall to make us lose LOS. Clever._ John, are you still cloaked behind that wall? Is your AoE stun up? _ Alright, I want a damage mark at the crossroads and a Call to Arms for the melee DPS. Go go go!

**Normandy, AI Core, Day 4 after the Omega 4 Relay, 09:34**  
\- Server maintenance? _Seriously_? **_Now_**? God damn it. Pfft.


End file.
